


how to bury your friends

by aanathemaa



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Car Accidents, Character Death, Classism, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mild Language, Pregnancy, Serious Injuries, Slow Burn, Unplanned Pregnancy, this is quite angsty but it's not just angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:53:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26123017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aanathemaa/pseuds/aanathemaa
Summary: Remus wondered what could have possibly happened since he'd seen them last, which was just this morning when he dropped by on his way to work to have coffee with Lily. She was already in her paint-splattered overalls, hair a bit of a mess, telling him that no matter what, she, Sirius and James would be finishing redecorating Harry's room today. Harry, who was on her lap, head resting gently on her chest, was too busy with a toy owl to pay them any attention.[HIATUS]
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marauders & Harry Potter, Marauders & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 12
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

It was probably past midnight when Remus got the call. He'd gone to bed with a horrible headache and it still seemed to be there when his phone woke him up, making him groan in pain as the ringtone rang louder and louder. (One of the perks of having a shitty old phone was that everything kept crashing or glitching or breaking, but it had all be fine, _really_ , until the vibration motor stopped working and effectively ruined Remus' life, which had been ringtone free since forever.) Reaching for the device, he squinted at the caller ID and didn't recognize the number. He had half the mind to ignore it and try to go back to sleep, but maybe it was important. 

"Hello?" Remus answered with a sigh. 

"Hello. Mr Remus Lupin, right?"

"Yes, this is him." Remus coughed, clearing his throat. "And you are?" 

"Right," the man said urgently, some apprehension in his tone, "my name is Frank Longbottom and I work for the Police Department here in Godric's Hollow. Are you a close friend of James and Lily Potter?"

It took Remus a couple of seconds to comprehend the question, but when he did his heart started beating faster. He did not expect to be called by the police asking about his friends.

"Yes, I am." he sat up quickly, making himself dizzy, and he shivered when his bare feet touched the cold floor of his room, "Why? What happened?"

"Mr Lupin, I know it's very late," the man spoke softly, "but could you come down to the station on 42 Guild Street?" 

"What? Do you mean right now?" he asked, confused, as a lump of concern formed in his throat. 

"Yes, that would be best. We can talk as soon as you arrive."

"Are they okay?" Remus tried again, aware that the officer was avoiding his questions and confused as to why he was doing it.

"It's better if we talk when you get here, sir. It's 42 Guild Street." Frank, or whatever his name was, said insisted, which only added to Remus' anxiety and growing annoyance at the lack of information. 

"I'll be there in 20." he finally muttered, opening his closet and grabbing the first pair of pants and the first sweater he could find. 

"And I'll be here." is all the policeman managed to say before Remus disconnected the call. 

Remus wondered what could have possibly happened since he'd seen them last, which was just this morning when he dropped by on his way to work to have coffee with Lily. She was already in her paint-splattered overalls, hair a bit of a mess, telling him that no matter what, she, Sirius and James would be finishing redecorating Harry's room today. Harry, who was on her lap, head resting gently on her chest, was too busy with a toy owl to pay them any attention. 

Remus smiled at how focused he was on waving the bird around and then apologized to Lily for not having more free time to help them through it. Lily just rolled her eyes and told him that he was helping enough already, what with coming by after work to take Harry to the park while they were trying to put everything in order.

"And besides," she said, offering him a sympathetic smile, "I know you're not eager to spend time with Sirius right now."

Later that day, just as Remus was closing the small bookshop, James sent a picture of him and Harry with matching cat ears to their group chat. Sirius was somewhere in the background of it, pouting, and Peter had sent a whole string of hearts. Then Lily wrote that this was it, they had finished, and she promised to send them some pictures of the room later. 

That was the last he'd heard from them and the image of Harry, all rosy cheeks and ruffled baby hair, laughing as James kissed his temple, put a smile on Remus' face for the rest of the day. Or at least until his headache kicked in.

So he had no idea how exactly the police fit into this whole thing, but he just hoped they weren't in some kind of big trouble and that Harry was safe.

The drive there was horrible, to say the least. The Uber driver chatted away loudly as Remus' mind raced with thoughts of what could have happened to warrant such a late-night visit to the police station. Maybe James had gotten into a fight, he mused, but that seemed rather unlikely. Lily would have called him herself if she wanted him there, not some officer he didn't know. And besides, to James' credit, he and Sirius had mostly stopped getting into significant trouble when they finished school. 

In his haste to get there, he completely forgot about Sirius and Peter. He took his phone out and quickly typed. 

[01:13] **moony:** guys i gt this phone call frm the police

[01:13] **moony:** abt james & lily

[01:13] **moony:** they didnt tell me anythng but im on my way there 

[01:13] **moony:** do any of u knw anything? 

He locked the phone and closed his eyes for a moment, willing his hands to stop shaking. Six minutes later (he counted them), the car stopped in front of the police station and Remus mumbled a thank you to the driver before hurrying out of the vehicle. There was no one outside of the building, and hardly any people passed by. At this point, he was no longer just nervous, he was outright scared and it didn't help that none of his friends was answering his texts. As a cold wind swiped by, he shivered and tightened his coat around him. It always seemed like he just couldn't stay warm in this kind of weather.

Pushing the door open, he slowly walked into the station. For some reason, he had expected a lot more noise, but it was really unnervingly quiet inside. A couple of tired-looking people sat in the chairs on his right, probably waiting to file a report or something, but there was no one acting disorderly at all. Remus didn't waste any more time and walked to the reception where a young woman was looking through some papers. She barely noticed him before he spoke up. 

"Hello," Remus greeted her, a little out of breath, even as he didn't make any real physical effort to get to her, "My name is Remus Lupin and I'm looking for my friends, James and Lily Potter."

The woman looked confused at first, but as she heard him explain, her expression settled into something grimmer. It kinda made Remus want to scream really.

"Yes, of course, just a moment please." she said politely and stood up from her chair. Remus was growing tired of playing this waiting game.

"Are they okay?" he asked before she could leave, stopping her in her tracks.

She looked torn for a moment, unsure of what to say, but eventually, she offered him a kind smile. 

"An officer will be with you shortly to give you all the information you need." she promised. He nodded, defeated, and let her go.

The clock on the wall ticked away as Remus waited, the sound of its beat bouncing off the walls of the quiet lobby. He still couldn't believe where he was standing, or understand why Lily hadn't called him herself. She could be pretty stubborn sometimes and had a hard time asking for help, but this had gotten better over time and she knew she could rely on her close friends to be there for her when she needed them.

Suddenly, Remus felt a hand on his arm and when he looked to his left, he was met with an apologetic smile.

"Mr Lupin, I'm Frank Longbottom. We spoke on the phone earlier. Why don't you follow me?" he said and slowly walked away towards a hallway, stopping to make sure Remus was following him. Remus had no choice if he ever wanted to find out what this was all about. When they entered a small office, the man placed a file on his desk and turned around to grab a plastic cup of water, placing it in front of Remus. 

"Please, Mr Lupin, sit." he motioned towards the two chairs in front of the desk and sat down himself. Remus did as he was told.

"Can you please just tell me what happened?" he asked for what felt like the hundredth time, at his wits' end, more impatient by the minute. 

Frank stared at the file in front of him, or maybe through it, and he looked like he was considering his options, another thing that made Remus want to scream. Still, it seemed like he was also having a hard time talking so Remus allowed him to take some time. After what felt like an eternity (probably only a few seconds, really), Frank looked him in the eye and inhaled. 

"Mr Lupin, I wish I had more time to choose my pace or my words more carefully, but unfortunately I do not. Regrettably, your friends, James and Lily Potter, have been in a car accident earlier tonight and died as a result of their injuries."

At that, time seemed to have stopped for a moment, every sound around him morphing into one big echo as Remus drowned in white noise. Much like going back to a passage in a book that you couldn't focus on for the first time, Remus' brain repeated the words to him over and over in hope that they'd eventually make sense. _Lily was dead. James was dead. Lily and James died. Car accident. Regrettably, your friends..._

Remus had never been punched in the gut before, but he knew that whatever it felt like, it couldn't compare to the crushing tightness that overtook his entire chest as he caught up with what Frank was trying to tell him. He couldn't breathe, quite literally, and his vision had turned to a strong blur, tears suddenly trailing down his cheeks with no control. 

_James and Lily were gone_ , Remus thought and immediately struggled with the very concept of it. James, with his contagious optimism and boisterous laugh, always there when you needed him, always with open arms, and Lily, so bold and fierce in her love, willing to move mountains for her friends. They were _gone_ , just like that. 

People often talked about broken hearts and losing hope, and Remus himself was no stranger to being sad, but he had never experienced this kind of heartbreak, so dense and heavy, his knees weak from the sheer weight of it. He felt like wailing, like screaming and flailing, but none of these things happened, his body too numb to even react properly.

Then a thought occurred to him and he choked, a strangled sound escaping past his lips as his shaking hands gripped Frank's desk.

"Harry." Remus said, the name barely making it past the lump in his throat, "They have a son." 

He couldn't see Frank very well past the tears, but the man pushed a box of tissues towards Remus and nodded firmly.

"We found him at the scene of the accident. He had a couple of scratches and he couldn't stop crying but a nurse from St. Nicholas called me earlier and told me he's alright." Frank assured him. 

Remus cried then. Like really cried, loudly and without any shame. He cried for Harry, for Lily and James, for their friends and family and for this end to everything he thought he knew. He cried for himself too, having lost two of the most important people in his life in the flicker of a second. 

"He's barely three months old." Remus said, trying to dry his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater instead of the tissues the other man had offered him.

"He's going to be alright, Mr Lupin, he's alive." Frank repeated, trying to comfort him, but there was no silver lining here. Yes, Harry was alive, which was probably a miracle in itself, and Remus thanked God or whoever for it, but he was also an orphan now, his mom and dad gone before he even learned how to speak.

"I want to see him." Remus said then, gathering all of his strength to keep his voice from cracking. He wanted to hold Harry in his arms, to make sure he was truly okay. 

"You will, you will, of course," Frank assured him again, "but before you can see Harry, I have to let you know that there was one more person in the car with Lily and James and by that I mean the driver of the vehicle. He was also dead when we arrived at the scene but we don't know his identity yet."

Remus hadn't even managed to fully grasp the enormity of the shocking news he was given when he felt another blow to the gut, just as suffocating as the first one. Without even thinking, he took out his phone and checked his notifications. Nothing. No missed calls, no new messages, no read receipts... just _nothing_. His heart started pounding so fast he was genuinely afraid he might collapse, panic crushing down on him.

"I need you to tell me what the driver looked like." Remus demanded, looking up at the other man.

"Mr Lupin, I-" Frank started, but Remus just waved away whatever bullshit he was about to say.

"Tell me what he looked like. Did he have black curly hair? Shoulder length black hair?" Remus asked again, sobbing this time, and there was raw desperation in his voice, "Please, just tell me what he looked like." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm not a native English speaker so please excuse any mistake I've made. This work is inspired by an old movie I saw.
> 
> It's quite angsty but it does get better.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated! <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus thought that time moved in a peculiar way when tragedy struck, a little too fast and sometimes too slow.

"He had light brown hair as far as I could see. About as long as yours, Mr Lupin." Frank answered and sighed, defeated.

Remus realized then that this was what it felt like to truly live through a nightmare and that the ones that made you toss and turn and wake with a gasp, the ones he was more familiar with, were nothing compared to it. He'd been so busy praying the other person in the car wasn't Sirius that he didn't even stop to think of Peter.

Peter had been in the car with them, Peter _was_ the driver...

This couldn't be happening to him. It just couldn't. _It made no fucking sense._

Peter had been back for what? Two weeks? And now he was- _Fucking hell._

Remus rested his head on the balls of his hands, feeling his entire body shut down. The prospect of losing not one, not two, but three of his best friends was simply too much. 

Frank must have gotten up at some point because his hand was suddenly on Remus' shoulder, squeezing it in comfort.

"I'm so sorry." he whispered, and Remus could hear the pain in his voice too. 

But maybe it wasn't Peter, maybe it was just someone who looked like him, his mind tried to reason. Lots of people could fit that vague description and besides, James and Lily had many friends outside of their little group. Maybe... _Fuck._ What were the chances? Remus was surely living through the worst night in his life so would it really be that big of a surprise that he was, in fact, slowly losing everything?

It was perhaps selfish of him to wish the third person was someone he didn't really know, but pain does things to you. 

"Did you-" Remus stuttered, "Did you talk to James' parents?" 

"Yes, they have been informed. They're flying to Godric's Hollow as soon as possible." Frank told him, "Unfortunately, I couldn't trace any of Lily's relatives besides her sister and we don't know yet the identity of the driver." 

Frank explained and stood up, pushing the box of tissues and cup of water further into Remus' space. 

"I don't want to upset you any more, Mr Lupin, and I'm really sorry you're going through this alone right now," he said like he really meant it, "but standard procedure dictates for someone, a relative or a friend, to confirm the identities of the victims. It is understandable if you can't do it yourself and we can postpone this until a relative or another close friend arrives here. Either way, I'm going to give you a few minutes alone and then we can talk about Harry's situation if you'd like."

But Remus did not need to be alone with his thoughts right now, the very idea of it made his skin crawl, and he moved to say something, stop Frank, but Frank was already gone. Remus stared at the closed door and wished he would have never walked through it.

When he closed his eyes, random images of his friends played behind his eyelids like a film reel, and Remus tried to remember what hugging Lily had felt like this morning. James and Lily were natural huggers (well, at least James was, and it had rubbed off on Lily too) so if you were meeting them, you wouldn't be able to wiggle yourself out of a hug, and more than anything, Remus wished he could hug them right now and not let go. 

_God, Remus missed them._ He missed them _so much._ He reckoned it didn't matter whether they'd seen each other a year ago or an hour ago, the truth that they were never coming back made it impossible for him not to drown in these feelings.

He also thought about how he didn't get to say a proper goodbye, but really, _how_ do you go about saying goodbye to your friends? How do you find the right words? How do you even let them go?

You can't. There's just no way you can do that.

Tears began to fall again (not that they ever stopped since Frank told him why he was here) and Remus cried, quietly this time, wishing someone would wake him up or tell him this was a very bad joke. 

In his shock, he forgot to ask how the accident happened and that made him feel even shittier. 

Just as he was finally reaching for a tissue, the door opened, and Remus thought that time moved in a peculiar way when tragedy struck, a little too fast and sometimes too slow. He turned around, ready to ask about Harry and the accident, but instead of Frank, his eyes landed on Sirius. By the empty look in his blueish grey eyes, which made Remus' heart skip a beat, it seemed he was already told about what happened. Remus didn't know when he stood up and crushed Sirius in a hug, but what he knew was that both of them needed it and it was better than looking into Sirius' eyes and seeing his own pain reflected in them. 

"Where's Harry?" Sirius asked against Remus' hair, his tone flat, and Remus knew that shock was the only reason he seemed so calm. Tears were rolling down Sirius' cheeks uncontrollably, falling in the space between their faces and on Remus' collarbone, but he didn't make a noise.

"Frank, uh," Remus exhaled, like just speaking was a huge effort, "The officer who told me everything said he is at St. Nicholas and that he is fine. He said we can talk about Harry when he gets back." 

Remus felt Sirius' body slowly tense up. 

"Well, we need to get him as soon as possible. He shouldn't be alone with some strangers." Sirius said, his voice hoarse like he had used it too much, and Remus could hear the anger that was building in it. He supposed that it was just the tip of the iceberg, but he felt the same way. He couldn't wait to see Harry and know for sure that he was fine. Still, there was something else he had to tell Sirius and he kinda understood why Frank struggled to tell him what happened.

"Yeah, I know, and we will, but-" Remus stepped back, suddenly feeling so big in the small room, not sure how to pick the right words because there weren't any, "the officer told me there was someone else with them that they couldn't identify yet. Someone with light brown hai-"

"Peter." Sirius said before Remus could finish, like he already knew, and Remus saw the muscles in his face twitch for a moment. 

"I don't know for sure, I just-"

"But I do. James told me they were going out. You know I had tickets to RHCP so I told him I'd skip this time."

Remus stilled. So there it was: the proof. There really was nothing at all at the end of this tunnel. 

"I should have been in that car with them." Sirius said then, a bitter smile on his face, and Remus felt another punch to the gut. 

"Please don't say that." he whispered in the air between them, new tears stinging his eyes, and took Sirius in his arms once again. 

Remus could feel that Sirius wantet to protest, but he was interrupted by Frank peaking into his office. 

"I'm sorry," he said quietly when he saw them hugging, "I can come back in a few min-"

"No," Sirius said firmly, letting go of Remus and turning around, his features tight, "we need to see Harry."

Frank nodded then, opening the door wider and walking inside. 

"Someone needs to identify the victims. Do you think you can do it or would you rather wait for a relative?"

"I'm Harry's godfather, I _am_ a relative," Sirius replied a tad forceful. "I can do it while Remus picks up Harry from the hospital."

"What?" Remus said then, suddenly taken aback. "No, you're most certainly not doing this alone. I'll come with you. Or maybe I should do-"

"No, Remus, I'm not gonna let you see them like that." Sirius said like it wasn't even an option, but Remus was suddenly fuming.

"What do you mean? Why should you be the one to see them like that and not me? I don't need you to protect me, Sirius, I-"

"Remus," Sirius started, just as angry, but Remus shook his head at once, interrupting him.

"They're our friends. _Ours_. And I'm not letting you do this alone. I can either do it by myself or we can do it together if you really insist, but there's just no way I'm going to leave you alone."

Sirius glared at him, but Remus just quirked an eyebrow and glared right back. Thankfully, after a long moment, Sirius looked away and didn't protest again.

"We're doing it together." he finally said, not pleased at all, and turned his attention to Frank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated! <3


	3. Chapter 3

Their quiet steps echoed loudly and the chemical smell alone gave Remus a headache. He walked closely behind Sirius and Frank, who were led by the coroner towards a door at the end of a too-bright hallway. Knowing what was going to happen in a few moments, his stomach twisted in an ugly way. Somehow, it still seemed surreal, like the thought alone was ludicrous, and Remus held his breath when they stopped in front of a grey door, waiting for the coroner to unlock it.

It didn't help that Sirius was here too. He was quite literally a ticking bomb and Remus would be lying if he didn't admit that he was really scared of how Sirius was going to to take this. Sirius had already dealt with so much shit in his life, from his abusive family to his brother's addiction, and Remus feared this might be the last drop because James had always been his brother, his rock, his safety net.

Not that Lily didn't mean a great deal to Sirius, far from it, the man loved her fiercely and he would do anything to protect her, even if there had been difficult moments between them in the past when she and James had started dating. The arguments hadn't been pretty at all, mostly because Sirius was known to be impulsive and Lily had a hard time choosing her words when angered, but James, who had been fighting the fire from both sides, had tried to keep them both happy, arming himself with patience and waiting for them to adjust.

Remus, for his part, had tried his best to reason with Sirius when he was being ridiculous, and smother Lily's burning rage at her boyfriend's best friend, while Peter mostly agreed with Remus from the sidelines, not too fond of the conflict but wishing his two stubborn friends would eventually take their war paint off and shake hands or something.

And although sometimes it looked as if Sirius was ribbing Peter a lot, not many people knew just how much Sirius valued his opinions. Peter had been especially helpful to Sirius as he dealt with his brother's drug problem, trying to make him understand the situation better because Peter too had gone through something similar when his father left. Sirius needed him a lot at the time and Peter was there no questions asked. 

They had all gone through so much together, from terrible times to wonderful moments, and Remus would never forget any of it, but his insides churned with the knowledge that this was the end of it all, that behind the grey door lay their dead friends whom they could never see laughing or crying again, whom they could never hug again, in comfort or delight.

As the lock clicked, Remus looked at Sirius just to find him staring back, grey eyes filled with emotion but his face still schooled into something blank. Sirius wordlessly took his hand, his fingers hot against Remus', sending a shiver down his spine. Holding his friend did give him some comfort, but again, he really wished Sirius wouldn't have to see this too. He liked to think nothing could bring him down, but they had all seen him on the edge far too many times.

The coroner pocketed his key and opened the door. He walked inside the dark room and turned the light on while Frank stepped to the side to give Remus and Sirius some space, looking quite distraught himself. The room's cold light seemed even brighter than the one in the hallway and Remus shivered again. His eyes quickly landed on three tables where his friends' bodies lay unmoving and covered in white sheets, making his knees weak even as he wished he could run in the opposite direction. 

Looking towards Sirius, whose face was as white as the sheets, he knew he couldn't do that. He squeezed his hand instead, trying to ground his friend and let him know he was going to be there no matter what. Sirius briefly glanced at him, like he couldn't take his eyes off of the sight, and Remus understood. 

"Please, step inside." the coroner, his name already forgotten, prompted them in a soft tone, standing next to the tables. Sirius looked frozen into place and only moved when Remus squeezed his hand again. They entered the room but still lingered close to the door, like they wanted to put as much space as they could between them and the reality of their friends' death.

"I am really sorry for your losses, this is a difficult time, I know, and I'm here to explain and help you through the identifying process. Any questions you'll have, I'm here to answer them." he stated firmly and looked them both in the eye. Remus and Sirius nodded, having a hard time speaking.

"When you're ready, I will explain their injuries so you can know what to expect. Then, I will uncover their bodies down to their waist so you can identify them. I will ask you some questions and, after that, you may spend some time with your loved ones if you want to. However, if either of you changes their mind about this, let me know before we start and the officer will escort you out of the room and down to the lobby. We also have a grieving counsellor on call in case you feel the need to talk to somebody. They understand how painful such events can be." he explained.

Remus doubted that but he said nothing. The silence stretched for a long time before he quietly asked how the accident happened. Frank cleared his voice.

"As far as we can tell, the driver lost control of the vehicle and collided with a tree." 

"We have not performed an autopsy yet so we do not have a full report stating all their injuries and the definitive cause of death, but you will get one as soon as possible." the coroner assured them, "We thought that since a child is involved, the identification process should be prioritized so that he can be released to a family member or a legal guardian as soon as possible."

Remus nodded again, overwhelmed.

"Do you want to take a minute or should we proceed?" 

Remus was just about to turn to Sirius for an answer. 

"Do you want to wait outside?" Sirius asked Remus softly, pleading with his eyes. Remus felt a surge of anger again but tried to control himself. It was just like Sirius to think he could and should carry the whole weight.

"I'm not going anywhere." he whispered and turned his attention to the coroner, leaving no room for another argument.

"Alright, let's do it then." Sirius said sharply, tugging Remus after him as they approached closer. The coroner didn't seem offended by Sirius' obviously irked tone and Remus imagined that he was used with the different ways people reacted to something like this.

"Like Mr Longbottom might have informed you already, we don't know the identity of the-"

"His name is Peter Pettigrew." Sirius interrupted pointedly. 

"I'm sorry," Frank intervened, stepping closer, "it's just he didn't have any identification on him, not even a driving license." 

This definitely surprised Remus. Peter was rarely this careless, mostly because he always feared getting into trouble, be it with teachers or the authorities. He liked mischief just as much as Sirius and James, but he was always so anxious when they were plotting something, trying to make sure they would never be caught. Remus could sympathize with that. A little bit of chaos was fun, but not getting caught was better. 

Perhaps something had changed in the three months Peter had been gone. Remus recalled he'd been a tad off in their daily texts while he was away in Devon, but he assumed that it was expected, given why he was there to begin with. 

"Does he have any relatives we could contact?" Frank pulled him out of his thoughts. 

"Yes," Remus spoke softly, "his mother lives in Devon. He recently came back from seeing her. Her name is Madelyn Pettigrew."

"Thank you, Mr Lupin. We will inform her as well." 

_His poor mother,_ Remus thought and let out a breath.

"So," the coroner tried to get their attention, "all of the victims suffered several head injuries and fractures and all of them died in the impact or shortly after it. Mr Pettigrew was behind the wheel and sustained several blows to the head and abdomen. Unfortunately, his airbag failed to deploy."

As the coroner explained to them what happened, Remus could hear that white buzz again. He almost felt like he wasn't actually there, like he was merely an onlooker, but Sirius' grip, which slowly tightened with every word, reminded him that this was, in fact, happening and that it was important for Remus to focus. 

"Mr James Potter was ejected from the car upon impact which resulted in a broken neck, internal bleeding and several other injuries."

Remus didn't know when he started crying again, but he suddenly became aware of the tears travelling down his cheeks and falling on his sweater. His knuckles were white against Sirius' hand and he could feel his friend shaking slightly. 

"Mrs Lily Potter, on the other hand, was still in the car. She most probably died from several blows to her head, but some of the glass did manage to nick her left external carotid artery as well."

The coroner finally paused, giving them time to process, and Remus thanked whoever because there was nothing left where his stomach was supposed to be. His vision had blurred again and he wanted to sit down, despite feeling frozen into place. It took every ounce of his strength not to break down right there. _They were fucking gone_ and there was nothing he could do about it. This was _repulsive_. They were supposed to die of old age, when their hair was grey and Harry had kids of his own, and it should have happened peacefully, in their sleep, not like... not like this. They did not deserve that.

Sirius tugged gently at his hand then, trying to get his attention, and Remus slowly turned to him, his body numb and aching all over. There were no tears on Sirius' cheeks, but what Remus saw in his eyes was enough to make him want to hug him and not let go, if only to look away from all that pain. Sirius beat him to it though, gently wrapping his arms around Remus and pulling him as close as possible. 

"I'm here, Moony." Sirius whispered against his hair, "I've got you." 

Remus closed his eyes in an attempt to stop the room from spinning, and he breathed out, trying to compose himself as Sirius rubbed his neck with his thumb. He nodded slowly, feeling guilty. The irony in his fear of Sirius' reaction was not lost on him.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-" 

"Shh." Sirius cut him off. Remus eventually let go of him and uselessly tried to dry his cheeks with his sleeves. 

"I'm sorry," he said to the coroner, "please go on."

"Nothing to feel sorry for, Mr Lupin." he said sympathetically, "Do you have any questions before we begin?"

Remus had a lot of questions actually, but he was sure the coroner didn't have an answer for most of them. The room was silent for another long moment, the only sound coming from their breathing, before Sirius asked.

"How did Harry survive this?"

"Ah, yes," the coroner nodded like he had meant to say something about it before, "To be honest with you, Mr Black, I think he was mostly saved by his mother's good instincts. Harry was in his car seat, designated to protect him from being ejected out of the car in the event of an accident, but the seat doesn't do much for everything else. Mrs Potter must have anticipated that they were going to be in a crash seconds before it happened because she was found leaning over Harry, trying to cover his little body with hers."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated! <3


	4. Chapter 4

It was a rather cold February night when James called him. Remus had been staring at the lights playing on the ceiling for God knows how long when he heard his phone go off, vibrating harshly against the bedside table. He reached for it quickly and answered, trying not to wake up Evan, who for some reason didn't get up to leave in the middle of the night, like the last two times they had ended up together in Remus' bed.

"Yeah?" Remus sighed, feeling a dull pain behind his forehead. 

James was downright frantic, not making a whole lot of sense, but from what Remus gathered, he was at the hospital with Lily, who had woken up in a small pool of blood. James' voice was cracking as he kept telling Remus that he needs him there and that he can't lose Harry. It wasn't every day he sounded this scared and Remus' breath got stuck in his throat at the news. He pulled off the covers and stood, shivering at the change of temperature. 

"Can you please come? Peter's still at work and I'm not sure where Sirius is, his phone is off and-"

"I'm coming, James, don't worry." Remus assured him, already picking his clothes, and although he didn't know a whole lot about pregnancies, he tried to sound confident when he said, "I'm sure they'll be okay." 

"Thank you, Rem." James breathed out, "I mean it."

As soon as the call ended, Evan stirred and turned towards Remus. From the look on his face, he must have listened to the conversation.

"Are you really leaving?" he asked quietly, but Remus could hear the hint of annoyance in his tone. Considering their short history, this only made Remus' headache worse. 

"Yes," he said, firmer than he meant to, "my friends are at the hospital. They need me." 

Evan just huffed, pushing the blanket off with more force than necessary and disappearing into the bathroom without any word, making Remus wish he would have left as soon as they were done. Still, Remus didn't have time for this. He pulled his pants on with shaking hands as he thought of Lily, hoping this whole thing wasn't anything serious. 

When Evan returned fully clothed, he remained by the bedroom door, awkwardly watching Remus rush around in search of his keys. 

"You okay to drive home? I really have to go." Remus said when he finally found them, his voice softer this time, his eyes meeting Evan's. He hated the way he felt the need to dote on men who mostly made it clear they were only interested in having a little bit of fun (which, mind you, made his first time not all that magical), but Remus had this silly habit of caring more than he should. He figured it stemmed from a lot of things, like feeling lonely and disconnected, or trying to forget a certain pair of grey eyes that have always made him yearn for more than he had, but it was most probably because he had little experience in dating men, having waited too long for 'someone with whom he could connect'. 

Evan looked like he wanted to say something, but he just nodded, his expression tight. They took the lift and Remus squinted at the bright lights, his headache not budging one bit. He wanted to fill the uneasy silence between them, but he could barely think straight. As they walked out of the building, Remus made an effort to grab Evan by the arm.

"I'm sorry. I'll see you around, okay?" he asked, knowing he'd been a bit of a git for ushering him out.

"Yeah, sure." Evan shrugged and Remus knew that meant a 'no' as soon as he saw the look on his face. His chest tightened a little and his hand dropped slowly to his side. 

"Okay, take care." Remus managed to say and watched as Evan walked to his car before taking his phone out and requesting an Uber, feeling like a fool. 

When he finally arrived at the hospital, stomach in knots and slightly out of breath from all those stairs (he could practically hear James go on a rant about how going to the gym was life-changing), James was pacing up and down the hallway, phone in hand, looking ready to barge into one of the many rooms around him. When he saw Remus, his face brightened a bit and the frown slowly melted into a worried smile. He rushed to his friend and hugged him.

"Moony, thank God you're here!" James exhaled. Remus nodded, offering him a tentative smile in return.

"How is she?"

"I don't bloody know a thing. They haven't said anything to me yet and I was seriously considering just barging in there when you showed up." 

Remus almost snorted.

"Was she in pain when you got here?"

"No, I," James sighed, carding his fingers through his tousled hair, "She said she wasn't, but you know her. She doesn't like it when we worry." he paused, thinking, "She seemed fine, but she was scared. I hadn't seen her this scared since she found out she was pregnant." 

Remus grimaced. He remembered that too. Lily had not planned on having a baby so young, what with still studying to be a pharmacist, but life happened, love was messy, and so when she found she was pregnant, despite her bravado, she had sobbed into Remus' shoulder for at least an hour, wondering what to do. Peter, who had recently lost his job at the Three Broomsticks café and had to temporarily sleep on Remus' soggy sofa, witnessed the whole thing too. He seemed quite delighted with the news, excited at the idea of being 'an uncle', but Remus just told her that she should take some time to think about it, that it was her choice in the end. He didn't mention how crushed James would be if she decided to have an abortion but he figured she already knew and she didn't need that kind of pressure from anyone else. 

"Oh, and Sirius texted me back," James said, pulling Remus out of his thoughts, "said he was on a date or something. I told him he didn't have to come if he couldn't but he said he'd be here soon." 

Remus felt a pang of something in his chest. It kind of annoyed him really because Sirius was often out on dates and Remus assumed he'd have gotten used to it after so many years, but it still managed to make his chest tighten painfully. It sometimes looked as if Sirius enjoyed the idea of never settling down with someone, but Remus secretly labelled it as a blessing in disguise because it was way better than having to see how Sirius looked when he was truly in love, as selfish as that sounded. Still, he would lie if he didn't admit that he felt a little bitter whenever someone offhandedly mentioned Sirius' love life, like a stupid reminder that the man was interested in anyone other than Remus. 

Remus sighed then and looked around the empty hallway. It was so bright and the smell alone made him uncomfortable. He was about to tell James he'll get them some coffee (although, by the looks of it, coffee was the last thing James needed) when a door opened and a doctor walked out to greet them. 

"Mr Potter?" he asked, looking between them.

"Yes, that's me." James said quickly, approaching the doctor, "How is she? Is the baby alright?"

"Yes, they are both fine and healthy." the doctor assured him with a smile, noticing James' turmoil, "Bleeding during pregnancy can be a sign of something serious, but it's usually no cause for alarm." he explained, "Pregnancy leads to increased blood flow to the cervix and it can trigger some bleeding, especially after intercourse or a smear test. It's good to get these things checked out, but she and the baby are fine."

James breathed out, relieved to hear the good news, and he looked as if he wanted to hug the doctor for a moment.

"We're going to print out the blood test results and then she can go home. In the meantime, you can go in and see her." 

James nodded and didn't waste any time. Remus followed him closely as they entered the small examination room, where Lily was lying on a bed, looking rather tired. Her eyes were puffy like she'd been crying for a while, and her red hair was a bit of a mess. James immediately hugged her tight.

"The doctor said everything is alright." he said, the words muffled by Lily's hair. She nodded, keeping James in her arms for a moment before letting go of him. When her eyes landed on Remus, he waved at her and she gave him a small smile.

"Can you please grab me a coffee or something to drink? My mouth is super dry." Lily asked James. Hearing her voice, Remus knew she wasn't lying. 

"I can do it, I-" Remus started because he figured they might want to be alone, but James just shook his head.

"It's fine, Moony. Stay here with her." James told him with a grin and he didn't seem to mind that he was sent off. Remus nodded before his friend turned around and walked out.

When his attention returned to Lily, her smile was gone and her lower lip was trembling like she was ready to cry again. Remus rushed to her side, grabbing the doctor's chair to sit on it, confused at the sight of Lily in distress.

"What happened?" he asked, taking her small hand in his. It was a surprise to find that her fingers were colder than his.

"Nothing, I just-" she stammered, tears already making their way down her cheeks. 

"Come on. You know you can tell me anything." Remus assured her, squeezing her hand.

"I just feel so bad, Rem." she said then, trying to brush her tears away like she was mad at them, "You know how many times I've considered getting an abortion before I told James. And tonight," she sobbed quietly, making Remus' own eyes sting with emotion, "tonight I thought that this was it, that I was going to lose him, like the universe was finally punishing me for thinking about it in the first place."

"Lily-"

"And I was so scared, Rem. So fucking scared. I know I said that it would be better if I got rid of it, but things changed you know? I don't know how or when, but the idea of losing him right now terrifies me. It probably seems like a stupid thing to say because I don't even know him, but somehow I already love him." she sobbed again and Remus wanted to hug her so badly. Pregnancy seemed both terrifying and magical to him.

"Lily, you're twenty." Remus searched her eyes, "I don't think anyone would blame you for being scared or thinking about an abortion. And I don't think it's stupid that you've grown attached to him either. You're allowed to feel whatever you feel." 

"Don't get me wrong, I'm still very much scared that I'll fuck this up somehow and I'll be a bad mother, but I don't want to let him go anymore, you know?" 

Remus nodded. Truth to be told, he felt something similar when she revealed the pregnancy to him, both excited and terrified by the concept of a little human, part James and part Lily, coming into their lives and changing them forever. 

Remus quickly remembered that he was carrying a pack of tissues. He took it out of his pocket and offered Lily one.

"Lily, I've known you for years. I know you'll be a good mother." he said as she blew her nose. "Yes, you will make mistakes because no parent is perfect, but when things get tough you'll always have me and James and Peter and even Sirius. You may have had your differences but you know he loves you. We all do. And between the five of us, we'll figure it out."

"Thank you, Rem. Really." she smiled, genuinely this time, and looked like she wanted to hug him just as much, "I was so sure that I was going to lose him tonight, but maybe there really is an angel looking out for him." she laughed roughly, like it was something silly to say, and asked him for another tissue. Just then, James opened the door with his elbow and walked inside, holding three coffees from the vending machine. 

"James," Lily groaned as soon as she saw him, "you'll be buzzing the whole night if you drink that now."

"Lies and slander." James protested, pretending to be offended by the accusation and making them laugh.

Standing in front of Lily's body, less than a year later, Remus knew she had no idea just how right she had been. An angel did look out for Harry, but it hadn't been some ethereal flawless being, it had been his mother all along. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated! <3


	5. Chapter 5

Walking outside of the Coroner's office, Remus could feel the cold December wind pinching his still wet cheeks, his lips so dry and chapped they hurt. The sky was pitch black and starless, the only light coming from the dim streetlamps and some colourful fairy lights draped around the windows of small shops, bitterly reminding Remus that it was 'the most wonderful time of the year'. It was no surprise that no one was around since it was probably nearing early morning, but the eerie silence fell heavily on the buildings around him and on Remus' shoulders too. 

He could hear Sirius' loud steps behind him, his combat boots making quite some noise, but the man didn't stop by the door with him. Instead, he bolted towards a dustbin and emptied his stomach's contents in it, gripping it with so much force his knuckles turned white. Frank, who had been following them outside, quickly came to a halt at the scene.

"Oh my, is he okay?" Frank whispered and Remus bit back a snarky reply, telling himself that it wasn't Frank's fault they were in this situation. Despite the numb feeling in his limbs, Remus rushed towards his friend, one hand grabbing his shoulder while the other brushed away some messy curls from his face. 

"I'm fine." Sirius almost growled, but Remus did not let go. He hovered over the edge of the dustbin for a while, probably not trusting his gut enough, before finally spitting in it and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Remus tried not to take offence when Sirius lightly shrugged him off. 

Just as Sirius was about to light a cigarette, a habit he'd picked up (and had yet to ditch) during their fifth year at Hogwarts in his quest to irk his parents, his phone rang, interrupting him, the chorus of The Ketchup Song booming loudly and effectively breaking the silence of the empty street. Remus cringed. 

Sirius fished the phone out of his black leather jacket (which Remus deemed as too light for this sort of weather, especially since Sirius seemed to be wearing only a shirt underneath) and glared at the screen. 

"Do you want to talk to Marlene or do I hang up?" Sirius asked, his tone sharp, but his eyes didn't quite meet Remus'. In all honesty, Remus would rather not because there was only so much he could handle in one night, but he knew someone had to talk to her and Sirius did not seem up to the task right now.

"I'll talk to her." Remus said with a sigh, a sense of dread in his chest as he took the phone from Sirius, squinted for a second at the "fake wifey" caller ID, and answered it. He watched as Sirius walked away from him, crouching down next to the police car that Frank had gotten into and resting his head on the balls of his hands, smoke fading into the air above him. 

"Sirius," Marlene sobbed into the phone and Remus figured somebody had already told her. "Sirius, what happened?" 

"It's me, Remus," he said, feeling a tad awkward, "sorry."

"Oh, fuck, Remus, I'm so sorry." she croaked out, but Remus wasn't sure why she was apologizing to him. "Mrs Potter called me earlier and I just-"

"It's alright, Marlene, don't worry."

She was quiet for a long time, sniffling, like she was trying to calm herself before she dared to speak again.

"How did it happen?" she asked, and the question alone made Remus' head pound, headache still pulsing above his right eye.

"They were in a car accident." Remus said with an effort, "Peter lost control of the vehicle and they crushed into a tree."

"What?" she said really loudly, making a choking sound. "Peter? Peter was with them too?"

Remus cursed himself at that moment. Of course, she had no idea that Peter was also in the car. He and Sirius had just confirmed his identity to the coroner when they had to answer a series of tiring questions, like whether or not Peter had any tattoos and if he did, what did they look like.

Peter did have one. He mostly kept it hidden nowadays, but Remus could not forget the skull and snake he'd gotten after his dad left. Peter didn't spend a lot of time with them that summer and when school resumed and they were reunited once more, he was wearing the tattoo like it was the coolest thing. That alone wasn't so bad, but Peter had also started to hang out with people Remus deemed as 'the spawn of Satan', half of them related to Sirius.

He was drinking way more than usual too, sneaking out late at night with the likes of Fenrir Greyback, a scruffy looking, mean tongued kid, and returning to their dorm just to end up hugging the toilet until the morning, _and_ promptly falling asleep during History or English, when Remus and James had to cover for him while Sirius refused to help.

And it wasn't like Remus, James or Sirius were honourable, rule-abiding students who never did tequila shots late at night on the football pitch, laughing at nothing until dawn, but to them, it seemed like Peter was no longer doing it for fun, but rather because it was the only thing still making him feel good, turning into an irritable git whenever he remained sober for too long.

That lasted for maybe two months, with Remus giving him his homework even when Peter didn't dare ask for it and James leaving out paracetamol and a glass of water on his bedside table before heading to football practice in the morning. Eventually, they managed to convince him that his new friends weren't exactly as cool as he thought they were.

Remus was especially surprised by James' patience during that time. He was always soft with Peter, but truth was, Peter's new 'friends' did not just make fun of them. Since everyone and their mother heard how head over heels James was with Lily Evans (mostly from the way James loudly and unashamedly talked about it, with Lily often scowling at him whenever she was in earshot), the fuckwits also started making jabs at her financial status (as they regularly did with Remus himself) in hopes to annoy James enough to get him in some sort of trouble and lose him his captain title. Remus thought the whole thing was pretty stupid because both Peter and Fenrir were far from rich, but apparently that didn't matter as long as they were eager to play the part of the minions.

James was, of course, livid, but Sirius seemed just as angry and since both of them were hotheads, Remus lost count of how many times he'd had to keep them both from outright punching Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape, two greasy annoying brats, saying they're not worth a month of detention and that they could very well find subtler ways to screw with them tossers. 

On the other hand, Lily, top of her class in science subjects and ever ready with a witty remark, told them that she could handle herself just fine, thank you very much. Remus sometimes saw through it, the hurt glistening briefly in her eyes when Bellatrix, Sirius' deranged cousin, kept making comments towards the way she looked in Petunia's old clothes or how people like her and Remus belonged to the gutter. Marlene McKinnon was usually by Lily's side, fuming like a steam engine and cursing at Bellatrix like a damn sailor, but Lily never did let her push Bellatrix down the stairs.

Lily wasn't bothered by their words most of the time, as she later lied to Remus, saying there wasn't any shame in being poor, especially when her parents worked so hard for their little flower shop. Boarding schools were expensive as hell and thus, they've had to make sacrifices to keep her there.

Remus did believe that Lily wasn't ashamed of her parents, she loved them dearly and she was very happy to just be at Hogwarts, but the bullying obviously did get to her more than she liked to admit (and it didn't help that Petunia struggled to defend her sometimes, afraid she'd be cast away from her already established posh group), which Remus deemed as only natural and very relatable. Remus told her that he understood, what with his mother working overtime as a teaching assistant just to keep him there, but they both had some funding from the school because of their economic background so that helped a bit too. Peter later apologized to her for what the others said about her and Lily didn't make a fuss about it either.

In the end, it was Remus who punched Snape. It was actually the only time he'd gotten physical in school (not that there weren't numerous occasions when his knuckles itched to do something, but he'd had promised himself he wouldn't get in trouble and risk his place at the school, not when he was already causing enough mischief with Sirius, James and Peter, and working double to make sure they weren't caught), but Snape was a hypocritical arsehat. He'd always wanted Lily's attention and when she refused to indulge him, he'd started to taunt her too, trying to tell her that she should be so lucky to have someone like him interested in her.

It happened in their fifth year at the start of the term, when Snape cornered Lily one morning, notably angrier because Sirius and James had taken to calling him a slimeball and placing chewing gum on his seat and in his hair. He kept spewing insults at her, something about how beggars can't be choosers, and she looked uncharacteristically scared of him so Remus, already disgusted by the sight alone, marched towards them, not even noticing Marlene, who was on the other side of the yard, Biology book in hand and rushing towards the scene with Dorcas Meadowes and Mary Macdonald tailing after her, glaring a hole in Snape's head. 

But before Lily's friends could get their chance to jump Snape, Remus pulled him off of Lily and socked him one right in the jaw. He told Snape to never harass her like that again and as he was without his band of creeps, he only sneered at Remus, spit on the grass in front of him and, seeing the group of girls approaching like a storm, scurried off like a coward. Lily chastised him, afraid he might get into trouble, both with the teachers and with Snape's friends, but he felt like it would be worth it, feeling satisfied even as his knuckles burned. 

"Fuck, I forgot, I-" Remus stammered, "I'm sorry, Marls, I didn't mean to put it out there like that. Peter was driving the car, but the police said he had no identification on him and they didn't know who he was until we were taken to identify him. I'm so sorry."

"Jesus, I-" Marlene choked again, "I just can't believe it, Remus! I haven't stopped crying since Mrs Potter called."

Remus didn't know what to say to that because he knew all too well what she meant. He was finding it harder to brace all of his feelings and try to make room for the others too. It's not that he didn't care, he cared a lot, but he was _so_ tired. 

"Is Harry alright?" she asked after a while, "Mrs Potter told me he was taken to a hospital."

"We haven't seen him yet but they told us that he's not injured beyond a few scratches. We're heading to the hospital soon. They'll probably release him into Sirius' care until James' parents get here." 

Remus sighed. He really hoped that no one would let Harry slip into Petunia's hands. Sure, she was Lily's sister, but she had turned into such a petty person over the years; she hated James, she hated Lily for marrying James, and she probably didn't have a lot of love for hew nephew considering that she barely ever visited. When she did visit, every dinner ended with an argument, Lily crying angry tears and James slamming the front door as Petunia left on her high horse. 

Remus would rather raise Harry himself than give him away to Petunia, and he hardly knew anything about babies. 

"Good, good." Marlene murmured, more to herself, "I'm trying to book tickets for Godric's Hollow, but the prices are so fucking high because of the holidays." 

"Yeah, I can imagine." Remus said, and he could definitely sympathize with her as he himself had to juggle work and a Master's degree.

Marlene and Dorcas had just opened their bakery in Evora around seven months ago and they were still trying to make it look its best and put its name out there with the big chains. It hadn't been easy from what Remus heard, but Marlene and Dorcas had talked about moving to Portugal for years and so they remained hopeful that it would turn a profit in the end. He could imagine how two tickets at a moment's notice before Christmas would cost a fortune. Sirius would probably be able to help them but Marlene never did like to ask for that kind of help from their friends. She was like Lily in that way.

"Anyway, I don't want to hold you up," she said, her voice wavering again, "you should go pick up Harry. He must be so scared. If you guys need me just call. I'm not sleeping anytime soon." 

"Thank you, Marls," Remus said softly, "please take care of yourself." 

"Will do," she said, "and you should too."

Remus handed Sirius' phone back to him and looked pointedly at the half-smoked cigarette in his hand. Sirius stared back with a glint in his eyes like he was waiting for Remus to say something, like he was actually challenging him to say something. When Remus didn't do so, and instead just continued to look between Sirius' face and the cigarette with a slightly raised brow, Sirius just rolled his eyes and squashed it on the ground before standing up. 

The ride to St. Nicholas was pretty quiet. Remus looked out the window at all the merry lights decorating Godric's Hollow, bright bubbles all around shops and bus stops, giving it a much more cheerful and cosy look, but the spirit of the holidays was the last thing Remus could feel now. Cold had spread through him, the kind that doesn't go away with more layers of clothing, and his mind still drifted to the images of his friends' faces as they lay on those hard, steel tables.

The only flicker of warmth he could feel was in anticipation of seeing Harry, but even that came with a bit of dread, wondering what would happen to him. Of course, Harry still had a family and friends who loved him greatly but Remus reckoned they were not mom and dad, and while he might be unaware of their absence right now, there will come a day when he'll be climbing on a mountain of questions. 

Remus glanced at Sirius who sat next to him in the back of the car, glaring at his hands, scratching and pulling at the dead skin around his fingernails. He felt like reaching out and stopping him, pulling him out of what he assumed were some rather dark thoughts, but even he didn't know where they stood, or what lines should he be wary of. There was still some tension between them, but Remus didn't want to think about that. 

They arrived at the hospital faster than Remus thought and he found himself holding his breath as they walked inside, following Frank. 

"Please, wait here for a moment." Frank said softly. Sirius was already opening his mouth in protest, but when Frank, unaware of this, turned around and walked towards the reception, he closed it back, plopping himself down with a thud on one of the many empty chairs in the lobby. Remus was just about to join him when Frank returned in a rush, a small smile on his face. 

"They're going to write a discharge report for little Harry, but I can stay here and wait for it while you two go on to see him." Frank said, a hopeful note in his tone, "A nurse will take you to him."

This was yet another moment that reminded Remus just how real this whole thing was. They were seconds away from seeing Harry, who'd been taken from the scene of his parents', their friends', car accident to St. Nicholas. It was quite difficult to grasp though, as Remus remembered that cute picture of Harry, James and Sirius he'd seen just yesterday. 

His hands had started shaking again for some reason, but Sirius was simply buzzing next to him, already on his feet and looking around for the nurse that was supposed to lead them to Harry. When she showed up, a compassionate motherly look about her, Sirius approached her with ease.

"Mr Black and Mr Lupin," she acknowledged them with a slight smile and a short nod, "if you'd follow me please." 

They nodded too and hurried after her through the bright halls. Sirius walked right beside her, all jittery and curious.

"So he's alright then? He's not injured or something, right?" Sirius asked, peering at the nurse.

"Oh, yes, he's alright." the woman said, some fondness in her voice, "He was a bit fussy when he got here, tired from all that crying, but we've fed him and he fell asleep soon after that." 

Remus' heart settled a bit more at the news. Well, they weren't exactly news, Frank had told him he wasn't hurt, and then the coroner explained how Lily had intuitively placed herself over him seconds before the crash happened, but the more he heard confirmation that Harry was physically fine, the lighter he felt. Sirius seemed to feel something similar too, no longer glaring at everything and everyone in his path. 

The nurse then stopped by a room with a big window close to its door. Remus peered inside the dimly lit space and saw at least ten babies, their little beds placed in rows of three. Most of them were fast asleep, but Remus did see another nurse, standing in a corner, holding one of the many babies and feeding it a bottle of milk. 

It didn't take long for Remus to spot Harry. He had quite the amount of hair for someone so small and barely into this world, black and wild against his pink face, so much like James'. Remus had often wondered what he'd look like if he had Lily's ginger mane and her scattered freckles, but then, he reckoned, there would be no sign of James on him, what with his bright green eyes that matched his mother's so well.

When his attention moved to Sirius to see if he'd spotted Harry, Remus saw him standing so close to the glass his nose almost touched it. 

"Can I hold him now?" Sirius suddenly asked, his eyes still fixed on Harry. 

The nurse looked at Remus and her smile widened as if she was pleased and somewhat amused by Sirius' question.

"Of course you can." she reached for the door, "He's going home with you, isn't he?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated! <3


End file.
